My eyes aren’t open yet but my heart is already racing. Despite the early morning’s peace I know what’s coming and I instinctively start suiting up mentally. Every step on the way to his room has me waffling between false confidence and trepidation and it really doesn’t matter what I tell myself because I know exactly what happens once I open that door. What I didn’t know is that this mental ballet would be my life for years.
My calm and optimistic “Good morning” was consistently met with instant push back, shouting, bargaining and anger. Our entire morning routine was explained and re-instituted daily as if it had never happened before – brushing teeth was an unwelcome surprise and clearing breakfast plates an unplanned annoyance. There was always inevitably a lost item to be found as I was already in the car waiting and our chaos would spill out of the house and onto the driveway with impatient car honks or most of the contents of his book bag rolling under the car as he finally ran out the door. But that wasn’t the grand finale. That would come on our approach to school drop off when his squeaky voice would politely ask “Mom do you have my shoes?”
I never imagined everyday tasks being this hard EVERY DAY. I didn’t expect starting my day to feel like I was being shot out of a cannon. There’s just so much I DIDN’T KNOW – including understanding what my ADHDer was going through. The stress left me feeling wired and worn. The chaos was exhausting. But more than anything I felt like I was doing a horrible job despite working really hard.
I NEVER IMAGINED EVERYDAY TASKS BEING THIS HARD
This was a lonely and hard place to be – but it wasn’t forever. Let me clarify: things are still sometimes hard but they’re not what they used to be! I remember instinctively reminding myself: “Our story doesn’t end today,” as I’d pull over after drop off to collect the brain matter that’d oozed out of my head earlier. The crazy that can come with ADHD doesn’t define you, your ADHDer or your family – it’s just where you are right now in the journey.
So in those moments when you’re WAY up there shot into the clouds by a cannon of crazy, take it all in. It’s only for now – it’s not forever. Answers come in time and they bring understanding which propels everyone to a saner place. No matter where you are on this bumpy road, shed your self doubt and keep showing up every day with more love than the last. Remember YOU are exactly who was meant for this job and your story doesn’t end today.