Backpedaling to Find Yourself

Getting out on my bike is something I absolutely love to do. It’s one of the only times I’m ever truly alone, thinking full, uninterrupted thoughts. There’s something about the correlation of pushing harder and flying faster through the air that fuels me. I’ve never really admitted this to anyone, because it’s pretty weird and probably a sign that I have serious work to do within myself, but…inevitably, every time I’m pedaling out there, I sob.

The first few times it happened I wasn’t fully aware until the tears stopped. Sometimes it’s a horrified stare I fly by that even makes me aware it’s happening. Now, I mostly feel it coming on and I channel the deep power of that emotion to push like never before. Yes, I’ve fully embraced the sobs because NOTHING else had revealed what I had been holding on to – and I needed to let it go. Parenting an ADHD+er is a really tough job that you just have to barrel through to get to the other side. Caring for and unconditionally loving your complex ADHDer while trying to figure things out doesn’t leave time for sifting through your own feelings and scars.

Norrine and I talk all the time about the toll of the constant cortisol we’ve had running through our veins during tough seasons with our ADHD+ers. It’s like the infant/toddler years where you’re just eating off the plates of your kid leftovers, haven’t showered and are just running around trying to keep up with caring for everyone. That’s meant to be a short season not a decade or more.

Can you relate? Do you have stockpiled emotions? Have you lost yourself in some ways? It’s common to end up here but you don’t have to stay. Take some quiet moments to think back and remember what you love – what you NEED. For me it was getting back on my bike. For Norrine it was getting back to a nighttime skincare routine – which she’d abandoned since her son was born TWELVE YEARS AGO. She’s on day fourteen of keeping it up and I’m about to get my pom poms because – YES! And we’re cheering you on too because today can be your day to do the one thing that brings you back to YOU.

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