Family Dynamics and ADHD: CHOSEN FAMILY

One of life’s beautiful gifts is the special people that become like family to us. They genuinely care and show up in our lives in meaningful ways. They can be counted on time and again. They’re our people. They become family.

As we parent our ADHDers, chosen family may become a huge part of our lives. They may be people with an ADHDer that becomes a best friend to ours and a fixture in our living room and our lives. Or they may be someone that becomes a lifeline for us – supporting and journeying alongside us no matter what. These are the folks that keep showing up to lift us up.

Norrine’s Chosen Family: Small but Mighty 

This is an area where I feel very fortunate. I have two amazing women in my life who have supported me on every step of the journey. One is my college roommate–let’s call her Roomie.  I’ll never forget when I was pregnant with the first pregnancy, a complicated IVF pregnancy that resulted in triplets, I was in agony over certain health care decisions and trying to figure out what was best for the babies.  Roomie said to me, “You’re already a mom, you are making the right decisions.”  Her absolute confidence in me and lack of judgment or unsolicited advice has been a constant in my tumultuous journey.

The second amazing woman in my life is the mom of the daughter’s BFF–for obvious reasons, let’s call her BFFmom. She is constantly telling me, “You do such a good job with those kids. You’re such an amazing mom.” Hearing that from someone who I know is also an amazing mom and knows the good, the bad, and the ugly at our house makes me feel seen and loved.

Ali’s Chosen Family: A One-Person Army

It was six years ago that my ADHDer became part of a wonderful specialized school community where I met Norrine, the other mom of Two Moms and ADHD. She immediately reached out to me with a genuine concern for helping my son succeed in school. For those two years leading up to his launch into high school, she was a reliable and generous resource for us that grew me light years in understanding my son. She cheered us on in every way.

During the last three years of high school Norrine has become a touchstone for me personally. It’s like she instinctively knew when I was at my lowest lows, wondering if my son could even do one more day of school. Her calls, her texts and her listening gave me a glimmer of light in really dark times. But she also swung into action on my behalf more times than I can count. She’d help me think of logical next steps, she made calls to doctors and specialists on our behalf. She personally led me out of the dark in incredibly generous and selfless ways I can never repay. She knew when I couldn’t get back up so she propped me up. And she continues to show up. What an incredible gift she is in my life!

We aren’t meant to do life alone. And sometimes we’re lucky to get to do life with people that don’t have to be there but they want to be there. They show up time and time again making the difference and together making some of life’s best chapters. What’s the story of the chosen family in your life? Who’s a fixture in your story that has made all the difference? We’d love to hear your story.

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