“You should take a nap,” my husband says. Frankly, I don’t like when people talk about self-care, getting a break, and resting. I feel like it’s absurd. Ali has taught me to see how and where I am able to practice self-care and for that I’m grateful. Ali’s right when she says all these things about how important it is and yet, it often still feels ludicrous. I’m still growing in this area. In the meantime, I’m thankful that work is a way for me to practice self-care–work rejuvenates me and gives me a sense of control and accomplishment.
Beyond that, I question myself: How can I rest until my children are at peace? I struggle with this question despite knowing that “an empty pitcher can’t pour water.” I lay down to rest and begin to problem solve around school and his IEP. I schedule a phone chat with a friend in the evening and hear the meds wearing off and the screaming and crying begin and hang up. I linger in the shower and I start to hear the dog bark and the children scream for me and I turn the water off.
The thing is, none of this is actually very hard for me. Because it is my honor to care for this family and these children and my super complex child; I’ve been fortunate to have strength and stamina. When I want to rest, I am inspired by my son’s strength. When does he rest from ADHD, anxiety, depression, autism? People ask me, how do you do it? I ask, how does he do it? And the answer is, we do it together. Someday we might even get a hammock and take a nap together in the sunshine.